The Real Place in the Sun
Below is an amusing sneak preview of Rochelle Morton's new book about Florida and some of the characters here. The parties, the deals it's all in there. It is said that some of the Vacation Home Industry's major players are cringing as they have heard of their impending inclusion. Below is an exert from one of the chapters about UK visitors to Florida.
The Real Place in the Sun.
Mr. and Mrs. Tommy Tourist.
Known for its fabulous climate Florida has become the number one destination for British holiday makers. For many, it's a trip of a lifetime but as most parents want to take the kids to Disney and at almost 2 dollars to a pound they keep on coming. Most Brits fly to Orlando (or Sanford ) if they are on a cheapie, then pick up their rental car and immediately become lost on the 417 and try to pay the road tolls with travelers cheques because no one thought to bring cash.
When they finally arrive at their rental home in Kissimmee or Davenport, its 11pm and they wish they had forked out the extra 11 quid for a welcome package as now they have no food or drink and no idea where to go to get any. So they go to bed and get up 3 hours later because jet lag has kicked in and the kids are running around wanting to be fed, see Mickey and go in the pool all at the same time.
Typically, dad will go off to Publix supermarket which will be about a five minute drive once he manages to find his way out of the community he is staying on. Once inside he searches for English items for which he will pay 3 times the price and when he gets to the checkout he will remove one traveler's cheque from his bum bag and pay for his goodies. He will get lost in the community on the way back and not remember the number of the house he is staying in only that its "834756 Lilly pot lane" or something flowery.
Eventually he'll get home and hand it all over to the wife. He'll jump in the pool and get straight out again as its bloody freezing and wish again, that he had paid for pool heat. After feeding the kids and having a row they will set off to Disney. All this and it's only 7.30am. British tourists are not known for their style, Trinny and Susanna could have a field day if they spent half and hour on International Drive They are so easy to pick out too. An archetypal family will consist of Dave and Sandra, the kids, Carly and Darren who, as the day goes on will be referred to as little bleeders and er mum Renee.
Typical outfits will be shorts for dad, a football shirt and socks and sandals, until he gets his new trainers at the Nike outlet. Mum will wear legging type shorts, a long tee shirt to cover her bum and belly and flip flops from Marks. The kids will be decked out in summer wear from George at Asda. And poor old mum will wear the same clothes as she does when she sits in the garden at home having a fag.
They will walk along I-drive like ducks in a row, dad first then mum, closely followed by little bleeders who will be carrying lilos and rubber rings. Er mum will be in a wheelchair as they were told by a neighbor's son's cousin who went to Florida last year that you can get to the front of any queue if someone is handicapped. All will be sporting that delightful milk bottle colour so popular with people that only see the sun 2 weeks of the year, of course, later on that day; these same people will be exhibiting a wonderful tomato red shade and wishing they had used factor 40 sunscreen instead of factor 4.
A typical 2 week holiday for most Brits is to go to the Disney one day, have a day off by the pool the next. Then do another park the next day and so on. Rarely do they venture far from their rental home. Of course, the Outlets will beckon and the Florida Mall on Orange Blossom Trail is a must. But as for driving to any of the beaches like Coco or Clearwater, not too many bother with that. They love to hit the "all you can eat" buffets like Sizzler and Ponderosa, the Chinese buffets are on high on the list too, but at $7.95 for all you can eat, how good can it be?
But the kids will have fun and they will all have gleaming new trainers to take back and loads of stuff from Wal mart that they can't get in their case, so they have to buy another one. All in all, a great time, despite the fact that it's only on their last day that they got to know their way around and dad worked out that you can turn right on a red light if its clear and stopped all those cars honking and swearing at him, as he sat there confidently waiting for green. It's roughly on their last day that they realise that Tipping is not a town in China, but so what, they're leaving today.
If they have enough time after checking out of their rental home, they may wind up a few Realtors, That some friends , cousins uncle told them that if they pretended they wanted to buy a house there, they might get a free lunch, but at the very least they would get beer and a drive round some other community's. Hey, they even knew someone who had got a free trip to Florida just by pretending he was a prospective home buyer. Could it get any better?
Copyright Rochelle Morton
The Real Place in the Sun.
Mr. and Mrs. Tommy Tourist.
Known for its fabulous climate Florida has become the number one destination for British holiday makers. For many, it's a trip of a lifetime but as most parents want to take the kids to Disney and at almost 2 dollars to a pound they keep on coming. Most Brits fly to Orlando (or Sanford ) if they are on a cheapie, then pick up their rental car and immediately become lost on the 417 and try to pay the road tolls with travelers cheques because no one thought to bring cash.
When they finally arrive at their rental home in Kissimmee or Davenport, its 11pm and they wish they had forked out the extra 11 quid for a welcome package as now they have no food or drink and no idea where to go to get any. So they go to bed and get up 3 hours later because jet lag has kicked in and the kids are running around wanting to be fed, see Mickey and go in the pool all at the same time.
Typically, dad will go off to Publix supermarket which will be about a five minute drive once he manages to find his way out of the community he is staying on. Once inside he searches for English items for which he will pay 3 times the price and when he gets to the checkout he will remove one traveler's cheque from his bum bag and pay for his goodies. He will get lost in the community on the way back and not remember the number of the house he is staying in only that its "834756 Lilly pot lane" or something flowery.
Eventually he'll get home and hand it all over to the wife. He'll jump in the pool and get straight out again as its bloody freezing and wish again, that he had paid for pool heat. After feeding the kids and having a row they will set off to Disney. All this and it's only 7.30am. British tourists are not known for their style, Trinny and Susanna could have a field day if they spent half and hour on International Drive They are so easy to pick out too. An archetypal family will consist of Dave and Sandra, the kids, Carly and Darren who, as the day goes on will be referred to as little bleeders and er mum Renee.
Typical outfits will be shorts for dad, a football shirt and socks and sandals, until he gets his new trainers at the Nike outlet. Mum will wear legging type shorts, a long tee shirt to cover her bum and belly and flip flops from Marks. The kids will be decked out in summer wear from George at Asda. And poor old mum will wear the same clothes as she does when she sits in the garden at home having a fag.
They will walk along I-drive like ducks in a row, dad first then mum, closely followed by little bleeders who will be carrying lilos and rubber rings. Er mum will be in a wheelchair as they were told by a neighbor's son's cousin who went to Florida last year that you can get to the front of any queue if someone is handicapped. All will be sporting that delightful milk bottle colour so popular with people that only see the sun 2 weeks of the year, of course, later on that day; these same people will be exhibiting a wonderful tomato red shade and wishing they had used factor 40 sunscreen instead of factor 4.
A typical 2 week holiday for most Brits is to go to the Disney one day, have a day off by the pool the next. Then do another park the next day and so on. Rarely do they venture far from their rental home. Of course, the Outlets will beckon and the Florida Mall on Orange Blossom Trail is a must. But as for driving to any of the beaches like Coco or Clearwater, not too many bother with that. They love to hit the "all you can eat" buffets like Sizzler and Ponderosa, the Chinese buffets are on high on the list too, but at $7.95 for all you can eat, how good can it be?
But the kids will have fun and they will all have gleaming new trainers to take back and loads of stuff from Wal mart that they can't get in their case, so they have to buy another one. All in all, a great time, despite the fact that it's only on their last day that they got to know their way around and dad worked out that you can turn right on a red light if its clear and stopped all those cars honking and swearing at him, as he sat there confidently waiting for green. It's roughly on their last day that they realise that Tipping is not a town in China, but so what, they're leaving today.
If they have enough time after checking out of their rental home, they may wind up a few Realtors, That some friends , cousins uncle told them that if they pretended they wanted to buy a house there, they might get a free lunch, but at the very least they would get beer and a drive round some other community's. Hey, they even knew someone who had got a free trip to Florida just by pretending he was a prospective home buyer. Could it get any better?
Copyright Rochelle Morton
posted by Totally Florida Staff at
12:28 PM
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